31 Paintings to Perfection
by NariNari
Summary: Soubi reflects on Ritsuka as he paints a picture for Ritsuka's birthday. Mentioned one sided SouRits.


**A/N:** I don't own Loveless.

**MATA!!!:** Uhm...This is Loveless, I shouldn't have to tell you about the boyonboyness.

I sighed for seemingly the umpteenth time that day. I was working on a birthday present for Ritsuka, a painting. I hadn't wanted to give the boy a painting for his birthday, but that's what he asked for, a painting by me.

So here I am, working on the 24th painting that I made for Ritsuka. The first 23 had seemed to lack something, so of course, they were considered complete disasters and were thrown to the other side of the room to be replaced by a fresh canvas for a new start. I can't have my present for Ritsuka anything less than perfect, now can I?

I hovered over the painting as I filled in the colours of a wing, making each stroke as small as possible to get the texture just right. Suddenly I noticed something and sat back to look at my work so far, again I saw something was missing.

"Crap." I threw it to the other side of the room and it hit the floor with a soft 'bang.' Pulling over another canvas I began to draw an out line for a new painting. I let my thoughts wonder as I drew, I wonder if this is what Ritsuka really wants?

He's turning 17 after all, maybe I should get him something as well as the painting, just for good measure? No, he'd just get mad at me for spending so much time on him. Then again, he is turning 17, he'll be of age, so why shouldn't I fuss about it?

I looked down at the drawing and immediately noticed that it was no good, and threw it with the other rejects.

Not that Ritsuka cares, I thought, as I drew the back round first this time, he'd think of anything to nag me. I chuckled to myself, inadvertently jerking the pencil and making a hole through the canvas. So sad, such a waste of a good canvas, I thought I really had something with that one, with what little there was.

Oh well, the next one should be even better. Now that I think about it, Ritsuka does nag me a lot. Sometimes, I'm not really sure if he's lying when he tells me to never come back. How could I do that too you Ritsuka? How could I leave all alone again? I couldn't, I love you too much, why don't you realize that?

I scoffed at myself and threw that painting to the side, how could I make perfection with such depressing thoughts in my mind?

This time I decided to go back to drawing the butterfly first. Yes, almost all of my paintings feature butterflies. Really, I was only making a butterfly for Ritsuka though because I thought of him as one. Seriously, Ritsuka reminds me of a caged butterfly, and though I hate butterflies for their weakness I can't help but want to watch him fly. Every time he tries to fly away he hits the glass and shies away from it. He won't fly near the glass until all he's fear of it is gone, Ritsuka is such a fascinating, oh.

Maybe I should pay more attention to my painting, I just gave that butterfly Ritsuka's face on it's wing. New canvas.

I wonder why it is that if, Ritsuka were a really a caged butterfly, he wouldn't just break the glass? I know he may look fragile, but he's strong. He tries so hard to be strong, and his mom...Oh, there are others in the cage aren't there? I forgot about them, I began to sketch in a case around the butterfly in my drawing and on further inspection, I deiced that was a bit too morbid for a birthday present, but I'd finish it later.

"Why is this so hard?" I muttered as I began drawing again. Wait, there's other butterflies in the cage? That's right, there's Yuiko, Yayoi, his mother, that clueless old sensei of his, Youji and Natsuo, and...Seimei. Are you still hung up on that, Ritsuka? I know he's your brother, but...I don't know.

I looked down at the canvas and noticed that I'd down something different to it this time, it was working but this wasn't good enough.

I brought out another canvas and started on it. This was it, I could feel it. Ritsuka, do you love your brother more than anything? Did I not make a difference to you? Do you really wish me to leave? Maybe I will, maybe I'll go somewhere far off where no fighters know me. Maybe I'll leave all this and you behind and never look back.

Would that hurt you, Ritsuka? Would that make you cry, Ritsuka? My sweet little Ritsuka, who shows affection to everyone except me, would you mourn the loss of me the way you did your brother?

Why am I acting so jealously? I looked to the sketch, just as I thought this was it, now for the colour.

Ritsuka, does this make you happy? My self sacrifice to you? When did this begin? I don't know what you want from me anymore, all you ever tell me is to leave or to be quiet and let you be. We don't have battles often, so it's not like I have reasons to seek you out. Why do you get so upset when I say I just want to see you?

I'm almost done now, and I'm not so sure I even want to give him anything anymore. What if it's thrown back in my face? I start to finish the last of the shading.

Do you still believe that I love you only because Seimei, ordered me to? I've tried to prove to you over and over that I love you on my own. If leaving will prove that, just say so.

I look at my finished work and notice the paint at the bottom is already dry, which means I can sign it and do so. Hmm...It's still missing something, as I know. I pen a few words on the bottom and leave it on the ground to dry. It's truly perfection.

Ritsuka, when did I become loveless?

I left the room, leaving the painting of the two butterflies flying off into the sunset together in the darkened room. The inscription, unseeable in the dark, 'To Ritsuka, my only beloved-Soubi.'

**A/N:** WOOOOOO!!! My first Loveless fic is DONE! I wrote that in like, 30 minutes, that's why it's crap. Oh, I don't hate Ritsuka, I just always thought that he should stop being so mean to Soubi and give him some lovin'. But yeah, Soubi is my fav, I'm growing my hair out to get it like his. I'm thinking about doing a sequel where Ritsuka gets the painting. But I may not, so REVIEW!!!


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